Disappointment

Disappointment is a constant reminder of things that I can not possess, so I expect the least in prison. This form of thinking is helpful and harmful at the same time.

I don't know about anybody else, but not disappointing my love ones is my main objective.

But there are times when the decisions I have to make will protect me. I've been approached with shanks, and I had to protect myself. Some incidents went unnoticed.

I live in a different world that they can never imagine.

I feel like I have done more than enough of that, over 25 years worth.

They believed in me more than myself. This is one of the motivating factors that explains my drive to be and do better. My decision making process became better by this way of thinking. I rationalized that if my peoples could watch my every movement then I should carry myself with the up most respect. I refuse to let my love ones down again.

Knowing this disappointment is protection too. It eliminates too much daydreaming. Prison lets you know that you are in prison. There are times when my imagination has its benefits of offering temporary relief. I can write poems about the woman of my dreams. I can write about my plans for the future. I can write about my wildest dreams.

With all of that the fact remains, I'm still in prison. I can't get too excited. It comes in small doses sometimes. Like if I wanted to go outside to breathe fresh air but can't because an officer said no, sometimes without an excuse, or being denied an apple for breakfast.

I have to suck it up and keep it moving.